One Week Down

I'm now one week into my transition back to work, and so far, so good. (Wow! It's hard to type with your fingers crossed. Shoulda just knocked on wood.) I'm really enjoying being back at the office and absolutely LOVE having that clear distinction between work time and family time. My evenings are mine, to spend with my family or do small household chores. But most importantly, this doesn't seem to be adversely affecting my family. For that I feel truly blessed.

My husband is doing great getting the kids ready, fed and on the bus. They actually said that they prefer it to me...I am not really a morning person. Hopefully it will continue to go well and it won't affect his work or school too much. Adam is much happier being back at school. Matthew is adjusting to kindergarten better than we'd dared dream. Anna...she perhaps likes daycare a little TOO much. She was longing for me by the end of the week and wanting reassured that she would be home with me today all weekend. But all afternoon, she has been restless and talking about school. The toys she has. What her teacher says. Wishing her school friends would come help her pick up her toys. Wishing her school friends would come over to play. I guess if we're going to have even a minor bump with her adjusting to daycare, this isn't a bad bump to hit.

So, while most folks dread their first day back at work after the weekend, I am looking forward to tomorrow and am glad that my babies are, too.

So Much to Say...

It seems like there is so much to post about today. Politics, cloned animals entering our food supply, gardening update, but what has had the most personal impact on me today was the first day of my family's transition week. Adam started 3rd grade, Matthew had his kindergarten orientation and Anna had her first (albeit brief) experience at daycare. Each day from here on out will be a little more letting go as I transition back to work. Although really, every day from the day they were born has been a period of gradually letting go. But I don't think I'm alone in feeling that sending the child off to school is one of the more significant events. And going off to work means leaving them in their dad's hands in the morning. Sure, he's perfectly capable, but he isn't me! I just pray that this adjustment goes smoothly for us all. (You can pray for us, too!)

Adam was so excited to get on the bus and head off to be with his friends. School is just one big social event to him, and he has been missing it. Even though I'm used to sending him off and am confident that he will be safe and will be of good character, it still falls short of being easy to watch him step on that bus and take off.

Tomorrow I have to send Matthew off on the bus to be in someone else's hands. For 7 hours. It would be easier if he didn't still seem so fragile. It's not just his physical frailty (I almost wept when he put on his new sneakers today - his little toothpick legs looked even more so with clunky shoes on instead of the barely there sandals) or his emotional/sensory issues. I also worry about whether he will have the character to withstand all that the world throws at him. Will he make good choices? Will the teachers and aides protect him and guide him as I would hope? He had his hour orientation today and couldn't get out of there fast enough. He was withdrawn and eyeing potential hidey-holes the entire time. Every now and then looking a little further out to find activities in which he can immerse himself, but still withdraw. He had done so well in pre-K last year, but it just seemed to be a bit too much for him today. His teacher and I both said that he'll be fine, but it seemed that we were both trying to convince ourselves as much as the other. Not what I expected of the day at all.

Anna absolutely loved "school", as she calls daycare. She was there for 3 hours and did not want to leave, crying when I got there that she hadn't gotten to take her nap yet. She is still so young, still forming so much of her character. I worry about the guidance that she will receive, but prayed in earnest for guidance for myself for the choices that I made for her. I think this was God's will for her, and I have to trust that I made the right choice in whose hands to leave her.

But then, I'm not really putting them in the teachers' hands. I have to remember that I have placed them in God's hands. God who never really gave them completely to me, is only allowing me the privilege of serving Him by raising my children to be a servants after His own heart. Surely He will protect my little ones...but it's sometimes hard to see that through the tears.

The End of an Era

OK, so that might be a little overly dramatic, but it's how I feel at the moment. Four years ago...is four years long enough to be considered an era? Perhaps if those years were BIG enough... Four years ago, I found myself leaving a job that was both challenging and satisfying to stay home with my children. I did so with some reluctance, but knowing that it was the Lord's will for my life at that time. My reluctance was gradually replaced with the joy I found in what is, for now at least, my most important role - Mom. These past four years have been very formative, not just for the four children under my care, but also for me. Almost a second "university" of sorts. The need to provide my children with a well-rounded social environment required me to break out of my shell and find a more social part of myself that I hadn't known was there. I didn't expect to learn so much about how to be a better wife, better friend and better steward during this period dedicated to being a full-time mom. I think that I will always look back on these years as being just as influential as my college years.

Now I once again find myself on the verge of a change, brought on by children growing and changes at work. Again, I am reluctant, although excited. I have missed the challenge and stimulation of my work, yet I will miss this period of my life. I'm excited for what lies ahead, but not ready to bid farewell to this...bliss. If only I could prevent the children from growing...for just a little longer.